By Susan Epstein
Interesting, the different paths life offers, the lessons learned, and the irony of it all. A lifetime of experiences cannot always prepare you for what’s ahead, but the hope is you will have learned enough strategies to deal with whatever comes your way. And then something like lung cancer hits.
When you are faced with a dreadful diagnosis, what is there to fight back with? There was no point in falling into “Why me?” I had to go deep, all the way back to an athletic career that I once cherished, but then abruptly ended, leaving me with a sense of failure and loss. Competitive running had been my life, until it wasn’t.
1986
The summer of ’86 was going to be the first time I had taken a trip to Europe if I made the cut. I had qualified to run the10,000 meters (6.2 miles) track event at the prestigious Bislett Games in Oslo, Norway but needed the funds to cover the travel. New Balance, my sponsor of eight years, was eager for me to compete through the summer and agreed to send me along.
At midnight, under bright skies in this Norwegian town, I ran twenty-five laps around the 400-meter track in 33:12, far from my personal best, but a solid performance considering this was my first track race overseas. Ingrid Kristiansen, a native, lapped the entire field, setting a world record in 30:13. The top Americans would be flying out the next day for Moscow to compete in the inaugural Goodwill Games, created by the cable television tycoon, Ted Turner. Mr. Turner was making a dream come true after the US boycott of the 1980 Olympic Games. He organized the event as a way to ease tensions during the Cold War through friendly athletic competition between nations. This would be the first time in 11 years that athletes from the Soviet Union and the United States competed on the same playing ground in a major international event.
Having placed 5th at our US National Championships, I was not considered for the team traveling to Russia. As timing had it though, Mr. Turner wanted to broaden the women’s field and was looking for an athlete to make the trip to Red Square. I was respected as a marathon runner, ranked 10th in the world in 1983, just missing a spot on the ’84 Olympic Team. The disappointment was tremendous, but I finally bounced back in 1985 placing 5th at the New York City Marathon, crossing the finish line as the first American female. My agent passed my name on to Mr. Turner knowing I would be in Europe, and the deal was sealed. The only catch, I would be running the 5000 meters (3.1 miles) a mere sprint for someone more accustomed to the 26-mile marathon event. Still, I was thrilled to be wearing USA across my chest.
Stepping out on the track, on a hot July evening in the packed Olympic stadium, I watched the other runners in awe as they went through their pre-race routines. I was overcome by emotion knowing that I was the 4th American woman representing our country. The horn sounded and the competitors lined up on the eight-lane track, 20 of the fastest women in the world. Each runner was introduced in front of the crowd of 100,000 as their respective country flag was raised. The stars and stripes directly in my view, I thought to myself, “This is my Olympics.” The gun fires and the runners are bunched tightly. Running somewhere in the middle of the pack, I came through the first mile in 4:51, astounding since my best open mile ever was 4:48. I didn’t feel anything at first, just concentrated on pace and strategy to avoid being tripped. The field began to spread out with the Russians blocking Cindy Bremser, our top US entry, from taking the lead. My only goal was to run my personal record (PR) and finish strongly. A good friend of mine from Belgium, Ria Van Landeghem, a fellow marathoner, was just a few strides in front of me. I was struggling to stay with her, sweat stinging my eyes, legs dead weight, all side effects from running that first mile too fast.
My instincts were to push through the fatigue, but my body rebelled. I remember thinking it was so hot, hotter than the hardest training days in Dallas, Texas, and knew this was not a good sign. With all the excitement up front, the two Russians beating Cindy by eight seconds, I was able to finish the race without much attention to the back of the pack. I finished in a respectable 8th place but walked off the track bathed in fatigue with feelings of failure.
On an easy five-mile morning run the following day, Ria asked what happened to me; she assumed I was going to pass her on the final lap thinking I had greater leg speed. I laughed…leg speed, more like dead legs! I shrugged it off and attributed it to poor pacing. I continued the tour from Birmingham, England to Wales, to Paris and back to London, racing in shorter-distance events of 1500 and 3000 meters. My mediocre performances along the way caused me to curtail my track season and head back home to our U.S. training facility in Dallas. I would undergo numerous physiological tests at the Human Performance Lab, led by my coach Robert Vaughan, Ph.D. The usual battery of exercise tests and blood values were taken at various workloads. The test results revealed my season was over. In exercise physiology terms I had “over-trained.” This was a common conclusion when athletes started performing poorly without any concrete explanation or solid evidence to support. The treatment: easy running and no competition for several months. The setback brought back lingering negative thoughts causing me to question the path my running career had taken me.
2000
Much had been accomplished since my departure from the track & field world, leaving behind the highs and the lows of a once so important athletic career. A graduate degree in exercise physiology was a natural progression after retirement, but then that subject too, became all too consuming. I continued my academic journey and completed a master’s degree in speech pathology, a field I thought would take me far away from the study of diet and exercise. During the years that followed, I maintained my weight to a more ideal standard, exercised recreationally learning tennis for the first time, and took stock in relationships with family and friends.
After settling in Buffalo, New York, where I raised two amazing daughters, competitive running had taken a permanent back seat. A career in neuro-rehabilitation opened the door to the fascinating world of the brain, this organ inside our head that controls all bodily functions of a human being. I had totally underestimated this complex structure which controls thought, memory, emotion, touch, motor skills, vision, breathing, temperature, hunger, and every part of our being. After solely depending on my body for running, I was surprised how I took my brain for granted. Joining the neurology team at Buffalo General Hospital changed that notion. Of course, speech and language skills are housed in the brain, but healthy living had to be part of the prescription as well. I began to combine health behaviors, such as sorting fruits and vegetables, with cognitive retraining. Preventative health behaviors became as important as the speech therapy session. My motivation came from the devastation I saw in my patients’ lives following a stroke or those living with multiple sclerosis, or Parkinson’s disease. Every aspect of a person’s being was affected. Many lost their vocation, their ability to communicate, and much of their livelihood.
The department of neurology, newly named the Jacobs Neurological Institute (JNI), became the forerunner in using a wellness model for treatment instead of the traditional disease model. While the scientists were at work developing treatments and cures, my job was to make each patient healthier to prevent secondary disease, such as cancer, stroke, or heart disease. However, quality of life (QOL) should be the focus of all intervention. Then again, what does quality of life look like exactly? I certainly had learned a great deal after surrendering to the solitary life of an elite athlete and sought out to develop a doable program for people to find happiness and life satisfaction through adopting a menu of healthy behaviors. Diet and exercise, the usual prescription, had to be tailored differently for those with compromised health, limited mobility, and low motivation. Hence, I developed the LIFE program (Lifestyle, Independence, Fitness, and Energy); a simple can-do approach to regaining confidence and satisfaction living with a new normal. Due to the success of the 12-week program, I went on to author a book based on the foundations. The LIFE Program for MS was published by Oxford University Press in 2009. The irony…the LIFE program was to become the “new normal” for me.
2020
NSCLC (non-small cell lung cancer) Adenocarcinoma of the lung was the diagnosis. NSCLC is a disease in which malignant (cancer) cells form in the tissues of the lung, usually found in smokers, but can occur in non-smokers as well. With disbelief, I rehearsed in my head that lung cancer was not supposed to strike a former world-class runner, one who dedicated her career to helping people learn to live well despite chronic disease. I was dumbfounded to say the least. The mass had been growing for five years, ignored by several physicians, when in fact some indication of a problem was noted on two CAT Scans taken in 2015; but “I looked so good.” Ironically, I could still run, play tennis, and remain physically active, all of which disguised the illness. Finally, the medical treatment: surgical removal of the entire lower lobe of my right lung, followed by chemotherapy. But the “QOL” remedy was totally in my hands.
2023
I couldn’t figure out where I was going with this story until today, when I was playing tennis with some great gals. It was just one of those days where my double’s partner and I played well coming from behind to win. Regardless of the victory, we were doubled over with laughter just enjoying ourselves, not taking the game too seriously. My lung cancer has come back, despite my optimism and healthy living. However, my “QOL” remedy is stronger than ever, and will again defeat the disease. What have I learned since letting go of my singular life as an athlete? The crucial need to build healthy behaviors that enhance one’s happiness and life satisfaction. It is simply finding the laughter and joy in friendships. Of course, there’s more to my recipe for living with Cancer and I attribute this newfound strength to the life I rebuilt after defeat on the playing field. The 3-F’s…faith, family, and friends are the basic ingredients, and then you add service to others, add a touch of intellectual stimulation, some musical notes from my choir, and yes, healthy eating and exercise. And perhaps a glass of wine or two. There you have it, my personal recipe.
